Happy Father’s Day?

Today as I view the numerous Father’s day posts on social media accounts of friends, families, celebrities and literally every one, I have not wished my dad just like last year since I cannot seem to personally share any emotion of this day. This is perhaps I did not share a close bond with my dad?

There is an Indian ad that is being circulated in all groups which shows how a father is stern and cold towards his son and the son distances himself for fear, respect or even unwanted rebuke from his father. When the son moves out of home for his studies, the father tours his room with a feeling of melancholy and the ad ends with the note that the father does not usually show his feelings. But he still loves you.

How I wish they could change the ad and ask the dads to bloody express their feelings! It could change the whole life of their child.

My dad did the same. To me, he was always this angry person who spoke little to me. Conversations were far off, even casual talks was unheard of. The trips to tutions or classes with just both of us in the car would be quiet except for “I’ll pick you up at ___ time”. All my requests were made to mom which was passed onto dad. Any feedback was through mom and now I wonder if those were really HIS feedbacks! His work was tough and laborious and I knew that, but to what extent I didn’t know, could I help him in anyway lighten his burden by talking with him, sharing my silly jokes, watch movies together, eat together… I didn’t know.

I did not even take the effort to find out. Why? Because I was fearful of him. I have only experienced his anger towards me especially when my marks were not upto his expectation, or if I refused to go to church or if I dared to back answer them. I always chose to not get in his way so I took no effort to know him.

There was no father’s day those days, atleast that is what I remember or maybe I was as usual stuffed up in my cocoon not interacting with anyone so I didn’t know? But even if there was and there were celebrations all around, I wouldn’t have had the courage or the emotion to wish him.

Only if the wall between us was not that high, he would have known that I was not a boring child, I could make him laugh at my silliness, I could sing to him, I loved painting and art and I could make him lovely cards, I was keen to listen to his childhood stories, of my grandmom, of how he single handedly worked and studied to take care of his family, of his brother and sisters, of how he was the school football champion but couldn’t afford to compete at district level, how he met my mother, the struggles they endured… I knew all later on but I wanted his side of the story.

Only if he had allowed a bit, I would speak to him about my future, my dreams, my partner, my fears, the people I met or want to meet…

Today, I do not feel any kind of guilt, or remorse or anger, there is absolutely no ill feeling.

The day I saw him lying on the hospital bed with tubes coming in/out of his mouth, wires stuck to his body, machines filling up most of the room, buzzing, beeping, echoing…it was the first time I felt compassion towards him. I broke down seeing him unconscious, helpless and for the first time felt I needed to protect him.

Today I look at my dad with a lot of love and compassion. There is a degree of softness to his words and he speaks a lot more to me. He calls me up when he is upset with mom and to me it means he trusts me enough to settle their arguments. He calls me ‘dear’ which I have never heard him say while I was growing up.

He probably thought that is the best way to parent and though I have no resentment, I have missed a lot growing up and really wish he could have shown me a bit of his other side.

Because we realised, after all these years that I am so much like my dad!

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Pretty as a peacock

I have to admit painting with the kids glass painting kit got me interesed on trying glass painting.

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I took the picture of the peacock (which I think is a very common image for glass painting) as my image. I sketched it on paper, traced it on the glass with the black liner and filled in the spaces with the glass colors, as simple as that!

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There is something about the rich royal blue color of the peacock that I find very attractive. I hope to create more of these beauties…

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Why I stopped writing is the reason…

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…why I want to restart,

Found myself beneath a huge pile of situations, emotions, questions, pain, anger, guilt. I stopped thinking about it, hence stopped sharing since I felt no one would understand what I feel when I could barely  manage myself.

I am a pro at procrastination…I do that with my thoughts too. I push my thoughts, ideas, emotions but it doesn’t help at all. I stopped sharing in every possible way.

The only time of reflection were those few times when I shook myself out from the shell and decide to make some art. Staring at a blank canvas was once upon a time, therapeutic for me. But not any more…a blank canvas in front of me always filled up quickly with all what I chose to push back in my mind, bit by bit, I would see every reel playing in front of me, it wasn’t a blank canvas anymore. It is said that emotions bring out the best art. I wonder why it was different for me. Maybe because I was trying to fight it?

I should have let go.

I have been trying to let go and I want to start changing the course of things, I want to let my emotions guide me to paint my canvas.

I hope to make a new start.

-Anu

 

 

 

 

 

I fear

Fear

-The fear of putting yourself or your work out there for fear of disapproval-

-The fear of being laughed at for who you are, what you are-

-The fear of being unsuccessful in any task- small or big-

…Constant fear if you are giving your best in whatever you are in-

-The fear of professing your love…

-The fear of being rejected…by anyone is hurting-

-The fear of losing someone close…

-The fear of letting go-

-Fear of falling out of love, fear of the thought of being neglected/ ignored by the one you love-

-Fear of not being able to fulfil your role and how your actions and decisions can determine the future of your dependents-

I live with a number of fears, some I try and overcome, some I am afraid to look in the eye, some sadly I let it control me. Most of my fears are self-developed, initiated by my own judgement. It took years to realise that fear is common and sharing actually helps understand and even try and overcome it.

It’s so very important to have people around to help pull me out of these fears.

I believe it’s the fear that pushes me to try and accomplish feats. They are there not to scare me, but to let me know that something is worth it.

“Overcoming fear is a long term process, and it may never be totally conquered. But each time I allow myself to risk, I believe I take a little bit of that fear and replace it with confidence.”

-Anu

 

 

Painting the pots

Most often, I want to doodle on every plain surface, the wall being my favourite 🙂

I was elated when asked by a friend to help him out with an ad promotion for a leading  jewellery brand, Devji.

Devji are a well known jewllery brand spread across the GCC. They have a fine collection of beautiful and breath taking jewllery designs that have earned trust for their splendid craftsmanship and their commitment for decades.

The ad promotion was in line with an Indian, Hindu occasion called “Akshaya Thrithya’, a day that is regarded auspicious to buy gold. Promotions were planned for this particular day so the shops were to bear a festive look in the true ethnic style.

The idea was to paint on earthern pots that would be displayed at the showrooms.  The bigger pots were to be used for the lucky draw promotion in each of the shops across the GCC countries.

Visiting the pottery place was like moving into different era. It must have had something to do with the clay, sand found all around the place that added to the rustic mood of the area.

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There are pots of different shapes and sizes and to me all of them appear like canvases to paint on! 🙂

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I cant decide if the coloured ones are better or the plain ones? The colored ones have an ‘hypnotising’ effect.

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The manner they are arranged together is such a colorful sight.

Having chosen the pots, I set to first coat them with a plain colour to then later add my own doodle design to it.

 

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There were few small cute pots that also got a touch of the doodle art!

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And finally thats how it was displayed 🙂

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…at the showroom

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So there ends the tale of the clay pots.

Have a good and goldy week!

Anu

Seashells on the seashore

The week was busy and the weekend busier!!

But I decided to take a mini-micro vacation of 3 hours to the nearby beach 🙂 And that made me postpone a few of my routine jobs including this blog post 🙂

But I have no regrets, I feel I need to get away sometimes, and keep the mind blank. A few pictures from our micro vacation…

The sea is full of wonders and beautiful wonders.

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We spent a Friday morning (Friday- Saturday is weekend in this part of the world)  at the beach. This place is ridiculously filled with seashells!!heap

Just look at that!!
Looking at that heap makes me happy 🙂 We collected shells just like every other time at the beach in the hope of creating something out of it. And this time we made it a point to use some of it.

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These shells are so stylish. They make great objects for drawing!

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We (kids and I) stuck a few shells and what a simple and beautiful piece of art they turn out. Its like looking at the blue sea:)

 

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There are so many more shells that is awaiting our ideas. I let the kids figure out how to use them.

Heres to another week of peace and love 🙂

Anu

Colorful Mandala

Mandalas are circular art forms with designs emerging from the centre of the circle. The designs are repeated shapes, strokes, lines drawn in a patterned way around to fill up the circle.

Mandala is for me very relaxing. What I love best about this art form is that the designs aren’t preplanned. I dont know what colors to add, what shapes to draw, how big they will turn out, I just go with the flow of my mind.

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It may look complicated but it is all about dividing the circle and filling each space up with patterns. Its that simple.

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Here’s to a colorful and peaceful week!

Anu

 

Rocky art

This is such a cute craft activity for all ages. I highly recommend it.  There are so many things to do on these rocks, you will be spoilt for choices 🙂

Here’s how it all started on a fine morning..

When asked to show some love for a picture 🙂 🙂

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The ‘love’ got a bit too much (lol)

We got some black smooth pebbles just the perfect ones to paint on. Safety measures in place(newspapers spread on floor 🙂 ), lots of sunlight, same size brushes for both the boy and girl (they can pick up a fight on that too!!!) few rules before the start- At no point during the activity, you are allowed to use the paint, brush, rock, camera (!) as weapons when engaged in arguments or fights.

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Using Acrylic paints, the stones are given a white base coat to add colors on it. Those few minutes was so peaceful!!! as they hurriedly but carefully colored the rocks.

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Oh yes, you move around the whole place- want to do a perfect job you see 🙂

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I was expecting a somersault soon but thankfully they stopped at this posture.

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Just amazed at the dedication!! Lol

So finally done and when asked to pose with their piece of work

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…Sheesh..love their expressions 🙂 🙂

And finally the first half of our rock art is ready. It will get its identity in a few hours after its dry.

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The colors were added and spotted with black spots (we used cotton buds for that almost perfect circle), stuck big black eyes on it and the beautiful lady bugs came to life.
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Oh yeah, they make good paper weights, they also have coffee meetings with my other office pets 🙂

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And some of them love the outdoors!!!

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Will definitely try out more art on these rocks. What about you? Hope you enjoyed the pictures and are inspired to start the rocky art.
Anu

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wishing my mom on Mother’s Day

In this part of the world, Mothers Day is celebrated twice. The arab world celebrates it during March and the rest celebrate it on 10 May.

When I called my mom to wish her today (on 10 May), she had a surprise tone reminding me that I had already wished her  2 months back!

Brushing aside my emotional comments, she was more curious to know how my kids are doing, how am I coping up with work, am i keeping good health, not to sit up late nights and get migraines and that I should continue painting.

Selfless love!!!

The one person (ya of course, my dad too but he wouldnt ask me so many questions though) who puts her kids ahead of her own life. When I dedicated the below painting for her, she said that she hasnt done enough for me and feels hasnt been a perfect mother. Seriously??!!! If she thinks that way, then I am nowhere near motherhood 🙂 I have to constantly keep reminding her what a big influence she is on my life. She doesn’t know what she is worth. 🙂

This is a water color attempt that I used to wish all the moms 🙂

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I have begun to love water colors, and there is so much to learn in this. Patience is one of it 🙂 and knowing when to stop is another important factor. Its not an easy art.

I tried this from a you tube tutorial and yeah I have lot to improve but I know my mom will look at it and say, Wow! how beautiful!

 

Anu

 

 

Feeling Osome :) with Alpha

We Mugxpress (who ??) introduced the Alpha series- with these designs.

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I love doodling or zentangling (as these designs are called) and can tirelessly scribble for hours.

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The best part of this design is that each of what I create is unique, I can never replicate or copy the design. I just feel nice thinking about how unique each of these design is 🙂

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As you can see, I love taking pictures too 🙂

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None of the pictures are photoshopped (maybe made a bit brighter), most of them taken on my Android phone. Is that something to be proud of.. I dont know…just feeling ‘osome’ of how this turned out.

You think so too???

🙂

Anu