…why I want to restart,
Found myself beneath a huge pile of situations, emotions, questions, pain, anger, guilt. I stopped thinking about it, hence stopped sharing since I felt no one would understand what I feel when I could barely manage myself.
I am a pro at procrastination…I do that with my thoughts too. I push my thoughts, ideas, emotions but it doesn’t help at all. I stopped sharing in every possible way.
The only time of reflection were those few times when I shook myself out from the shell and decide to make some art. Staring at a blank canvas was once upon a time, therapeutic for me. But not any more…a blank canvas in front of me always filled up quickly with all what I chose to push back in my mind, bit by bit, I would see every reel playing in front of me, it wasn’t a blank canvas anymore. It is said that emotions bring out the best art. I wonder why it was different for me. Maybe because I was trying to fight it?
I should have let go.
I have been trying to let go and I want to start changing the course of things, I want to let my emotions guide me to paint my canvas.
I hope to make a new start.